I follow this private counselling business on facebook. Initially, because one of my good friends started working there. But now, I am just so drawn into their message and what they have to offer.
I joined their email list. And contrary to popular email habits, I actually read emails from the lists I join. And when I opened up my email today, I paused.
“I encourage you this week to look at ways you can be more vulnerable, ways you can lean into discomfort. I like to say, “feel the fear and do it anyway”. ”
I love this. ” Feel the fear and do it anyway”. It is uncomfortable to let yourself be vulnerable. Its scary. Sometimes just believing in yourself on a public platform is scary.
I have always wanted to write, take photos, draw (ill admit I have zero talent with the drawing), paint. Every single time I let myself be vulnerable I was so scared. Scared of not being accepted, scared of rejection, or simply of being made fun of. I have let the reactions of others shut me down too mamy times to count.
I write a blog. Not with any big expectations. Just because I love the thought of sharing my feelings with people (other bloggers) across the globe. I genuinely do feel like I have something to offer.
I take pictures. I dont want to be a portrait photographer. I love lifestyle photography, creative photography, macro photography and spontaneous captures that make me happy.
I am going to write a book. It might take me a few years because I am a student as well. But I am going to do this. I kmow I can.
So creatively, my vulnerability is allowing myself to believe in me… Publically. The fear of rejection is scary. It is truly freeing to allow yourself to truly submerse in your dreams and actually follow them.
I work with the most vulnerable sector in society (in my opinion). My clients are often broken and dont trust anyone. It takes months to build relationships/ sometimes multiple incarcerations before I gain their trust.
I am not going to lie. I often hide myself from my clients and colleagues. I want to be perceived as the tough corrections nurse. So this week, as I interact with my clients I plan to open up a bit more then I typically would. Share how I am feeling.
The toughest part of corrections for me is the inability to hug my clients. I never realized how important this act was to my practice. Its a big no-no in corrections, and I got my hand slapped that one time I did it. So in lue of the comforting hug, I sometimes do the shoulder squeeze or leg pat.
Another huge piece of vulnerability is recognizing how my work impacts me. Admitting that Im tired. Admitting that experiencing others’ trauma has a way of building an unhealthy stress in your life. Nurses see things.. Correctional nurses see things you couldnt even imagine. It impacts you. Hearing someone scream how much they want to die with so much distress after just trying to hang themselves just moments before, you bring it home. Its hard. I carry the burden of many of my clients because I care. So today Im going to admit its wearing on me. Thats vulnerability.
This week, I will commit myself to vulnerability. I will accept help. And I will continue to give myself to my work– both creatively and professionally. And I am just going to say “its okay to not be okay so long as you know your not okay and do something about it”.