Building off my post about vulnerability, I am going to allow myself to be vulnerable and transparent with you.
Skimming a blog post about writing prompts (for blogs) I came across this. “Write about how you found your way back“. I thought how fitting. This is a build off of yesterday posts. The collection of writing prompts can be found here for anyone else who enjoys writing 🙃.
So, how did I find my way back?
I walked into the correctional centre in April 2018 a strong, fearless and super smart nurse. In my field of expertise. MedSurg. Acute Addiction related illness such as endocarditis, spinal abscess, sepsis. This was my jam and my confidence was solid.
Corrections has a dabble of med surg. But also everything else under the sun. Mental health, unstable mental health, and community addictions is unmeasurable within the system. I would guestimate 80% of the clients walking through the doors are unwell mentally. It is tough. And I had quite a bit to learn, and slid down the ladder from expert to novice level knowledge with my new population.
The added stress of the environment corrections meets you at the door with was almost crippling. I knew I had the support of my manager but she wasnt behind the walls of the jail with me everyday. I felt alone (even though I know I wasnt). I felt like I was a failure every single day. I felt like everyday was a battle. And it wore me down.
For the first time in my career as a nurse I went to the doctor, admitted I was not okay and took some time off. During this time I reflected. Why am I working in a place that is stripping me of my sanity?
Then my thoughts shifted. I know this is where I am meant to be. This is the population I want to serve. My attitude shifted from victim to productivity, self awareness, confidence (as I learned the ropes in this new specialty) and things changed. My confidence grew as I allowed myself permission to learn. My perceived self improved as I attracted the respect of my colleagues.
This is how I survived my first year in jail. This is how I found my way back to the confident and capable nurse I know I am.
I guess the message today is you too will survive. Whatever has you feeling broken is temporary. Attitude is everything and shifting my attitude made the world of a difference.
Happy hump day